I left the service that night with a decision to turn a new leaf. I've already decided to give Chidinma a call as soon as I got home, about ending whatever we had. That joy when I thought of finally being liberated from the sex - oriented relationship with Chidinma. "At last there is a way out", I thought loudly to myself. First thing the next morning I decided against giving her a call instead I paid her a visit, to tell her my decision. Gosh! She was so beautiful to look upon. The real battle began; how can I tell her I want to break up with her? How will I cope seeing her sad in class or being with other guys so as to close the gap I will leave? How will I be able to cope without her succulent body?, how can I resist those lips? These were the thoughts that kept going on inside of me. Then a thought came to mind, why end the relationship after all the good things and time we have shared together, why not put on an adjustment to the things we used to do, why not set rules and standards to be strictly adhered to. Wow! It sounds like a great idea. Infact it was nice. "It will definitely work!" A voice from within said. It was barly 2 weeks after that power packed programme, I made a commitment, I have fallen back to my vomit again. My world was fallen, my life was tearing apart. Depressed and having failed God and myself again, I thought of ending my life since it was of no use as I got tired of hoping on good and trying to change, only to get worst by the day. That faithful day as I was set to drink the portion that would hopefully take my life, I thought of reading a passage from the Bible to myself just as the executioners will do before firing a criminal. On opening the Bible, there was a marked out passage in Romans 6;14-18 14 For sin shall not have dominion over you: for ye are not under the law, but under grace. 15 What then? shall we sin, because we are not under the law, but under grace? God forbid. 16 Know ye not, that to whom ye yield yourselves servants to obey, his servants ye are to whom ye obey; whether of sin unto death, or of obedience unto righteousness? 17 But God be thanked, that ye were the servants of sin, but ye have obeyed from the heart that form of doctrine which was delivered you. 18 Being then made free from sin, ye became the servants of righteousness. Thank God I did go through the passage, then I realised I made myself go through all I went through. I made myself a servant to sin forsaking the counsel of God. Then I realised I was always listening to myself and not the knowledge of God's word. With tears in my eyes I let down the portion and the idea of taking my life and decide to fight the real enemy; SIN and SELF. Beloved, the battle against these S's cannot be won if we don't die to our selfish desire as the good book says; for he that is dead is freed from sin. Romans 6;7. Dear, if you are in similar situation, if u are battling with sin and self, you can only win this battle against these foes by fervent prayers and studying God's word where you see that grace can see you through in life. You can go through these scriptures to help you enforce your victory in Christ over self and sin; 2 Cor 10; 3-5, Psalm 119;9-11, Col 3:5 - 10, 1Cor 9;27, Rom 13;12 and Prov 4;23. Congrats! Because your Victory over self and sin is sure!