Forums » Awakening Love and Purity
Unvealing the bad wine
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Have you ever wonder why people change especially in relationships and marriage? Have you ever falling in love with someone so lovely and nice only to wake up one day and realized they are not who you thought they were? I have been there and I know most of us have been there too.
People change, that’s a fact (am a testimony) and it’s not always for good (am also a testimony) am sure we are familiar with phrases like “this is not the woman/man I married” “this is not the person I fell in love with” “s/he just changed” “I never knew s/he was like this” these are phrases are usually uttered when people are on the ledge of divorce or break up. How do people get here?
People are usually excited at the potential of making a new friend (at least for some us who have not giving up on the human race) we are thrilled to discover things especially good things that distinguishes our new friends; we want to believe the best of them; we want to trust and depend on them and most of all we want them to love us as much or more than we love them. However, often times than not, we end up disappointed. What we thought was good turned out to be just a layer of many layers covering up the real person when we chose to spend the rest of our lives with someone based on how the outer layer feels, disappointment is inevitable. This is because:
1. We are a flawed creature we are not perfect and we are bound to make mistakes and to disappoint. I mean we disappointed our creator, Gen 6:6 what make any one thinks they can be an exception! Everybody is bound to disappoint and be disappointed. Call it franchise: the right to disappoint and be disappointed. Everybody has that right as long as you’re a seed of Adam. We cannot trust another man to love us unconditionally, the moment you expect from people only what God can give, you set yourself up for a life of disappointment. Psa_118:8 It is better to trust in the LORD than to put confidence in man.
Psa 146:3 Put not your trust in princes, nor in the son of man, in whom there is no help.
2. People always give their best at the beginning…since we are talking about marriage and relationship, let me remind us that people always show us their best part first…
And saith unto him, Every man at the beginning doth set forth good wine; and when men have well drunk, then that which is worse: but thou hast kept the good wine until now. John 2:10
This truth is not only peculiar to parties; it is even more suitable in marriage and relationships. People don’t give us their bad wine at the beginning of the relationship, they wait until we are too ‘drunk in love’ to bother about what is under the ‘layers’. There is nothing wrong in been drunk in love. Trust me, it is not Beyonce or JayZ's idea it's God’s idea.
A loving doe, a graceful deer-may her breast satisfy you always, may you ever be intoxicated with her love_ proverbs 5:19 NIV (emphasis mine)
What I find disturbing however, is that most people only have just enough wine to get their partners drunk…. But what is even more disturbing is that they rarely make any attempt to get a better wine. Now before you start making a list of people who have done this to you in the past, why don’t you start with the person staring at you when you look in the mirror! The truth is that none of us is exonerated from this act, we are all guilty!
We all like to believe that we are the victim of this act when we are the ones who are so desperate to make an impression that we end up mastering the art of deception. Making an impression usually turns out to be just a distraction from who we really are…. I don’t know about you but I have never met anyone who farts on their first date but isn’t farting part of our normal daily routine? We polish our accent, spray our best scent and even try to talk like a saint to impress our new friend and yet we are wounded when we discovered a few hidden layers of their own. Let’s face it; we are all good at concealing our bad parts. We spent our entire lives covering it up with cosmetic layers.
In the realm of emotions, we often lay our secrets and true selves beneath mountainous piles of shame and guilt. We are dexterous when it comes to hiding our bad wines. I think it was Malcolm Gladwell who said it takes 10,000 hours of practice to master something. Our shame and attempts to make good impression has been burying aspects of our true identity for our whole life. (Unfortunately it takes marriage/relationship to expose these hidden layers) 10,000 hours equals 416 days. Thus when you’re 21 years of age, you already have under your belt at least 173,200 hours of practice. According to Gladwell, you’re beyond mastery.
Marriage is one relationship where you can’t afford to pretend. Sooner or later the good wine will finish, the drunkenness will clear and partners will see each other the way they truly are and this is the point where many just bolt! Allow me to re emphasis that the drinker is just as guilty as the giver of the wine. Marriage, aside the wedding ceremony and all, involves two people who are extremely skilled in self protection who stand at the altar mouthing “for better for worse” but actually they are both anticipating getting their own needs met in and by the other. Sorry to burst your bubbles but welcome to life in reality- our self centered perspectives is what often blinds us from issues we need to see even when it is right in front of us. We are busy sipping the good wine from a glass cup that we totally ignored the tank of bad wine standing right in front of us!
Now that we have established that we are all guilty of concealing our dark sides and since we can’t marry angels, how do we manage the situation?First of all, start with the person in the mirror. Deal with yourself first before pointing fingers or trying to help someone else. And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?
Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, Let me pull out the mote out of thine eye; and, behold, a beam is in thine own eye?
Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother's eye._Mathew 7:3-5Use this singlehood period to remove all particles contaminating your wine…. If we all take the pain to refine our wine now, there will be enough pure wine for all. Another question is how do you turn your bad wine into a good one? The same way those servants did it at that wedding in John chapter 2. They listen to the word of Jesus and did as He said- it is funny how folks violate the instructions in the Word of God concerning marriage and yet expect to have a blissful marriage that only God can guarantee. Remember God is not mocked, whatever a man sows…….after removing the beam in our own eyes, we shall then consider how to avoid partnering with people who have refused to refine their wine.
To be continued…….
Kindly drop your comments, observations and questions.
You can also connect with me on:
Twitter: @Obayinde
Face book: facebook.com/indelibuluv
Email: beminamorata@yahoo.com -
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