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Pastor, I Want To Marry A Virgin

Buddy: Happy New Year sir
Pastor: Hey, Buddy, God bless you, how are you doing?

Buddy: I am fine sir
Pastor: Come over here, we need to see

Buddy: (speaking to himself under his breath) Chai, I am in trouble today.
Pastor: Have your seat

Buddy: Thank you sir
Pastor: I noticed since you joined the church two months ago, and gave your life to Jesus, you’ve not joined any unit. You’ve not even started with development school?
Buddy: I am planning to sir
Pastor: Okay, this is a new year. You should do something about that.

Buddy: I will sir
Pastor: How old are you now?

Buddy: (thinking) How old am I? I was born in….
Pastor: You don’t know your age?

Buddy: (laughing)I know it sir. I am thirty - five
Pastor: Are you in any relationship now?

Buddy: Yes sir, actually no, well it depends
Pastor: Have you thought of settling down?
Buddy: I had wanted to, but all these girls…
Pastor: What happened to them?

Buddy: They are all f***k ups!
Pastor: Don’t ever use that word again till Jesus comes!

Buddy: Oh, sorry sir, is it wrong?
Pastor: It’s a vulgar language. It’s a street language. You are supposed to be a king. Kings don’t talk anyhow and they don’t talk carelessly. 

Buddy: Okay sir.
Pastor: Eph 4:29 (AMPC)  Let no foul or polluting language, nor evil word nor unwholesome or worthless talk [ ever ] come out of your mouth, but only such [ speech ] as is good and beneficial to the spiritual progress of others, as is fitting to the need and the occasion, that it may be a blessing and give grace (God's favor) to those who hear it.
Buddy: I get sir. What I meant to say is that most of the ladies out there are just looking for my money, they don’t really love me.
Pastor: How many relationships have you been in?
Buddy: Just nine serious ones
Pastor: And the unserious ones?

Buddy: Those are just flings sir.
Pastor: Okay. All those nine relationships ended?

Buddy: Yes sir,
Pastor: What exactly do you want in a lady?

Buddy: Just three things, a virgin, a praying lady, and a slaying lady
Pastor: What’s a slaying lady?

Buddy: She can slay
Pastor: What does that mean?
Buddy: That means she can Rep, she can...
Pastor:Okay, let’s dwell on your first two qualities

Buddy: Okay sir
Pastor: You want a virgin?

Buddy: Yes sir, that’s why I joined the church
Pastor: Wrong motive. You join a church because you love God!

Buddy: I so much love God
Pastor: So, you want a virgin?

Buddy: Yes, It’s my life long dream
Pastor: I think you should stop dreaming.
Buddy: Ah, pastor, don’t kill my faith now?
Pastor: Are you a virgin?

Buddy: mhm…actually…
Pastor: Just Yes or No will suffice 

Buddy: Actually, No, mhmm, I was seduced.
Pastor: By who?

Buddy: My Exes
Pastor: All of them?

Buddy: Yes they all did.
Pastor: So, you slept with all of them?
Buddy: Yes they all slept with me
Pastor: So, all your past relationships were sexual?

Buddy: Well, kind of.
Pastor: Kind of. Okay. So, you are here in this church to find a virgin?

Buddy: Yes, sir.
Pastor: Are you a virgin yourself?

Buddy: No sir, if not for all those girls…

Pastor: You will not find anybody in this church that will marry you

Buddy: Ah, Pastor! This pastor is savage! (Thinking to himself)
Pastor: Your second wish is that you want a praying lady
Buddy: Yes, that will be praying for me.
Pastor: Do you pray yourself?

Buddy: Not really, that is why I want to marry a lady that prays
Pastor: Again, you will not find in this church.

Buddy: Ah Pastor, It's like you are using style to curse me. Am I not your son again?
Pastor: Yes, you are, and that is why I am telling you the truth

Buddy: Okay sir
Pastor: Forget about looking for a lady for now. Your motives are twisted. And as long as you don’t deal with your heart first, things may not work out fine in that regard.

Buddy: But Pastor, what about all those who are not spiritual and are married?
Pastor: I have not conducted any census as regards that, but I can see you here with me, so let’s talk about you.
Buddy: Okay sir
Pastor: You start by taking responsibilities of your past actions and mistakes and stop blaming all those ladies for your obvious lustful antics.

Buddy: I thought God has forgiven me?
Pastor: Yes he has, but you still need to deal with your heart, because if you are opportune, you will sleep with any other available lady, even now. 

Buddy: Okay
Pastor: Use Psalm 51 to pray and ask God to give you a new heart

Buddy: I will sir
Pastor: Then you need to sit down and get your mind renewed. If you jump into any relationship now, with this frame of mind, you will wreck yourself, along side with the poor lady. 

Buddy: How do I go about this?
Pastor: I have taught over and over again. Become a student of God’s word. Read and study it. That is how your mind is renewed and you conform to Jesus. Stay close to attending services and build yourself. Join a unit and serve God. Change old friends who are still distractions. Have a close mentoring relationship with your pastor. Stay away from sin and traps. Those are the basics.
Buddy: May God help me
Pastor: Yes, we all need God’s help.

Buddy: I think I need Him more.
Pastor: And God will help you indeed. 

Buddy: Thank you Pastor
Pastor: Let’s see once a week from now. I want you too stay accountable. It will help you. 

Buddy: I appreciate this. I never knew some of these things.
Pastor: Now you know. God bless you. A glorious destiny lies ahead of you, but you must walk closely with God. 

Buddy: May God help me.
Pastor: Amen, see you some other time. I think somebody is waiting to see me.
Buddy: Thanks Pastor
Pastor: God bless you!
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Pastor Dunamis Okunowo

Dunamis & Sophia are facilitators of Kisses and Huggs Club. They are ministers, writers, conference speakers, relationship counselors and marriage...

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