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What To Do When Your Lover Decides To End It All

In recent times, ninety percent of counseling calls I received had to do with breakups, abandonment, and disappointments, and usually they are ladies.

 
I want to write to you this morning on how to handle it when he or she suddenly says he is no longer interested.
 
I know it can be very painful and emotionally hurting, but sometimes, things are not really as they appear.
 
Sometimes, it is even more painful because you are just a few weeks away to wedding, and suddenly he or she walks away.
 
Sometimes, the decision comes as a consequence of long-distance relationships. I usually tell people, if he or she has gone for a year or more, you talk once or twice in three months, you should simply forget about it all.
 
Why would you say that, Pastor?
 
You see, when you are in love with someone, it won't be a once in a month communication. You will find ways to reach him or her daily, or as often as possible.
, except when communication becomes absolutely impossible.
 
So in practical terms, let’s assume there is a situation and your loved one wants to walk away or has walked away. How do you handle it?


 
1. Try and apologise if you feel the relationship is of God.
 
If you think this is of God, then you won’t have problems apologising even when you feel you are not wrong on the issue. Whatever you love and treasure is worth protecting with your humility.

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But then the challenge is that “is it really God?”

 
How do you know if a relationship is of God? It is easier to know what God is saying when emotions are not yet involved. It becomes difficult to discern God’s direction when emotions are involved.
 
This is why we often advise that it is better to seek God’s face and know what He is saying about a relationship before you fall in love.
 
It becomes even more complicated to know God’s voice when you are sexually involved. That is another matter entirely, because a confusion necessitated by disobedience floods the soul like mighty waters!
 
So, you are a child of God, you have been sexually involved because you wanted to “insure” the relationship, and now he or she wants to walk away.
 
Ordinarily, you wouldn't want to let go, because of the strong feelings, bonding and a possible soul tie.
 
At this stage, how do you discern God’s voice?
 
The first thing to do is to consecrate yourself afresh to God. Possibly with fasting and prayer to restore your relationship with God and then to hear Him speak to you.
 
Now, let’s assume you still feel this is of God, you have apologised, but he or she is adamant about moving on. What do you do?


 
2. Let him or her go!

 
Yes, if he or she insists it is over, then you need to move on.
 
Pastor, why should I let go?
 
a. He or she made up his mind long time ago.

 
When a supposed lover walks up to you and says he or she is no longer interested, he already made up his mind long before speaking up.


 
Especially for a guy, he doesn't speak out until he has made up his mind. Begging him amounts to nothing, because in his logical approach to things, it is over.
 
The lady is shocked, “flaberwhelmed” and “overgasted” at the sudden decision because she is an emotional and relational being. 

 
Well, for him, the decision is not really sudden. Most times, he has even found another lady!
 
Why should I let go?
 


b. Not all rejections are disappointments.
 
Some rejections are actually directions! As a child of God, God is committed that you get it right. If something is amiss in the future with the person you are involved with, and it is not God’s plan, God Himself would allow that relationship to “scatter.”
 
Why, because God is committed to taking care of you and would not allow any evil to befall you as His child. It is not all broken relationships or engagement that you cry over, some actually require a thanksgiving.
 
Why should I let go?
 


c. Don't press too much on begging and begging until you lose your self esteem and dignity in the process.
 
If he or she eventually agrees in such scenarios, he or she will remind you all through life that he never wanted to marry you in the first place, you forced him.
 
Love should be mutual, if someone doesn't love you or accept your person, don't force yourself on such a person. That attitude will backfire later.
 


Why should I let go?
 
d. As long as you are with the wrong person, the right person will not show up.
 
The wrong person is not always a bad person, he or she may just not be God’s best plan for you. The same way, the right person is not always a perfect person, but the right person will love you with fear of God. He will be willing to wait. He will protect you rather than want to take advantage of your emotions.
 
After letting go, what do I do?
 
Decide to do it God’s way. Decide to abstain from a sexual relationship before marriage. Decide to have God’s support and favour all the way by your obedience. Decide to forgive quickly, pray more and have a lot faith and fun without compromise.
 
At the end of the day, your prayers, your attitudes, and your dispositions is what will add up together to make a relationship or even a marriage work out beautifully.
 
May God grant more understanding.



CONFESSION FOR THE DAY
I am not confused. I am led of God
 
PRAYER FOR THE DAY
Lord, let your counsel over my life stand in Jesus name
 
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

"ARISE [ from the depression and prostration in which circumstances have kept you—rise to a new life ]! Shine (be radiant with the glory of the Lord), for your light has come, and the glory of the Lord has risen upon you! [ Zec 8:23 ]" (Isa 60:1, AMP)
 
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY

Pray in the Spirit
 
READ THROUGH THE BIBLE IN ONE YEAR
1 Kings 22; 2 Chronicles 18
 

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About Me

Pastor Dunamis Okunowo

Dunamis & Sophia are facilitators of Kisses and Huggs Club. They are ministers, writers, conference speakers, relationship counselors and marriage...