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When Her Love Language Is Words Of Affirmation

Look at this scenario:

 
Sade has just arrived from the salon where she had gone to make her hair. She drooped by to her fiance, Bode.
 
Here comes Mrs Johnson
 
Sade: (knocks on the door)

Bode: Who is that?
Sade: Hey dear, it’’s me!
Bode: (Stands up and opens the door, takes a look at her and then his countenance changes)
Sade: What is it dear?
Bode: What is this on your head?
Sade: (She didn't answer, but walks past)
Bode: What kind of useless hairstyle is this?
Sade: But it’s fine now?
Bode: You have no mirror, right, this thing on your head that makes your head look like that of a chicken?
 
Well, Bode thinks he is being blunt, but he is actually foolish and unwise. Now, this kind of conversation or communication will devastate any lady. It would even be worse if her love language is "words of affirmation."
 
It is okay for Bode not to like a particular hairstyle. But it is wisdom for him to have first looked at the many hours spent fixing that hair and appreciate that first. After a week or so, he can just ask her to change the hairstyle. That is wiser, simpler and would save the relationship.
 


What is the point of being in strife because of hairstyle? This is just one of many examples.
 
What are love languages? How do they relate to relationships and marriage?
 
In the school of relationships and marriage, communication is the core curriculum. Communication is so important.
 
A man was once asked what the three most important ingredients are in a marriage. He said
Number one is communication
Number two is communication and
Number three is communication!


 
I agree with him.


 
Now, there is no effective communication without a language. Even in non-verbal communication, there is “language”
 
Language is so important that it was the only thing that God needed to tamper with when human race got ambitious and wanted to build a tower that would reach into heavens.


 
God Himself looked down and said these people are going to succeed because they have “one language”
 
"And the Lord said, Behold, they are one people and they have all one language; and this is only the beginning of what they will do, and now nothing they have imagined they can do will be impossible for them." (Gen 11:6, AMP)
 
The only thing God could do to stop their ambition was to garble their language. And that was what He did. The moment they could not understand themselves, the project was impeded and subsequently suspended.
 
What does that tell you?
 
When you don't speak the proper language, a relationship or marriage will have serious issues.
 
Good and constant communication is the oxygen that relationships and marriage need.
 
The tower of Babel came to a halt. God simply “scattered” their language.


 
However, at Pentecost, there was restoration of languages.
 
"Then how is it that we hear, each of us, in our own (particular) dialect to which we were born?" (Act 2:8, AMP)
 
At Pentecost, they heard themselves in the languages they understood most!
 
From these, we can see how important languages can be even in the things of the Spirit, how much more in a love relationship?
 
Gary Chapman told us that there are five love languages. Let’s take a look one by one.


 
1. Words of Affirmation
If your fiancee’s love language is words of affirmation, what it means is that she doesn't really sense any love until you affirm her with words.
 
The moment you keep ignoring this language, she will never be happy. Love languages are like passwords, so learn to speak her love language.
 
The greatest mistake is to keep speaking the direct opposite of her love language, which are critical words!


 
When you keep on doing this carelessly, you will never have the best of her. You may not notice much in courtship, but in marriage, she will never be happy. And that will affect a lot of things.


 
God wants you to make each other happy. Whenever any of you is unhappy, it can affect or outrightly hinder your prayers.
 
In relationships, ladies get hurt through “insignificant issues” These issues are insignificant to men, but they are pertinent issues to them.
 
Successful relationships are all about understanding the other person and trying to please him or her without displeasing God. That is what makes it work.

 
If your fiancee’s love language is words of affirmation, you have to go out of your way to speak her language.
 
I am sorry.
God bless you.
Thank you.
You are beautiful
You are the best.
You are the greatest thing that has happened to me.
You are God’s greatest gift to me.
Anytime I think about you, I cannot but thank God for His favour on my life.
Since I met you, my life has never been the same. You are a fresh breath in my life.
 
Those are a few examples.
 
I once heard a man said that it takes nine affirming words from you before a criticism can be well received! Learn from that.


 
Words mean a lot to women. Words are powerful.
"Pleasant words are as an honeycomb, sweet to the soul, and health to the bones." (Pro 16:24, KJV)
 
But there are also words that can “finish” a lady. Avoid speaking those words to your loved one! Be wise.
 
You are just stupid!
You are a dunce!

I regret the day I met you!

You are a strange woman, you’ve brought bad luck into my life.
You are so ugly, I am just managing you!
And so on.
 
Those kind of words will tear any relationship apart. It is a matter of time.
 
Find out what her love language is and keep speaking that language. It will eliminate a lot of unnecessary frictions.
 
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY
I am understanding. I am patient. I am wise.

PRAYER FOR THE DAY
Pray for wisdom in your relationships and marriage
 
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

"In the same way you married men should live considerately with [ your wives ], with an intelligent recognition [ of the marriage relation ], honoring the woman as [ physically ] the weaker, but [ realizing that you ] are joint heirs of the grace (God's unmerited favor) of life, in order that your prayers may not be hindered and cut off. [ Otherwise you cannot pray effectively. ]" (1Pe 3:7, AMP)
 
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY

Find out what her love language is
 
READ THROUGH THE BIBLE IN ONE YEAR
Isaiah 1-4

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The sky remained bluish. The serenity and tranquility were palpable. It reminded one of the possibilities of a world devoid of vices and evil. A world bereft of whims and caprices of  the hordes of hell, full of peace and order, exclusive of the anarchy   that generally characterizes this abode of man. Despite the external peace, Bode's soul was beaten down by a great storm of anguish. The peaceful atmosphere was a complete contradiction to the waging, raging storm in his soul. He held a small paper (neatly cut out of some magazine) in his hand that has the torso of a white girl with some nudity. Sweet heat gradually spread through the core of his being. Accompanying the heat was the well timed accelerated beats of his heart because he knew he was about to do something not quite right..

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About Me

Pastor Dunamis Okunowo

Dunamis & Sophia are facilitators of Kisses and Huggs Club. They are ministers, writers, conference speakers, relationship counselors and marriage...

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