Forums » Awakening Love and Purity

Before you do

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    • 119 posts
    May 13, 2015 4:41 PM BST

    I have been under a lot of pressure lately, almost everybody I know is wondering why am not married or in any relationship. The truth is I have been asking myself the same question. And Contrary to all the physical evidences, the honest answer is that am not ready. It’s hard for me to admit but that’s the truth! Many singles have made the tragic mistake of crossing to the next phase of their lives without fully learning the lessons of this present phase.

    I have come to realized that God will send the right person when am ready not when lonely. But for those of you who think you are ready, whether you are in a relationship or truly single like me, here is a checklist to help you if you are truly ready “before you do” Have you fully surrendered your life to Jesus? Marriage is a physical demonstration of a spiritual reality- the relationship between Christ and the church. Eph 5:25.

    You can't build a strong marriage on romance, sexual passion or feelings alone. Your marriage will be weak if you are weak spiritually—and the same is true if your partner is not wholeheartedly sold out to God. You are taking a huge risk if you get married when your spiritual life is not healthy. You need spiritual maturity to face the challenges of marriage.

    The thing is, if you cannot manage a relationship with a perfect God you will have a hard time managing relationship with someone else. Do you get along with others? If you have a history of broken relationships and continual drama, don't expect marriage to be any different. You don’t get along with dad, mom and siblings; what makes you think you will get along with bea or boo? Like they say no miracle takes place at the altar, who you are before the wedding is who you are after the wedding.

    You need to get control of your anger, jealousy, pouting sessions and pity parties now, not after you commit to live the rest of your life with your spouse. How have you and your partner handled conflict? All couples have arguments. But if you are having shouting matches and continual disagreements before your wedding, you are asking for trouble. And if there has been any form of physical or verbal abuse, call things off immediately and get counseling. Do not say “I do” if your arguments always result in physical fights. Have you been open about your past?

    Marriage is about intimacy. But you will never experience this gift if you can't be transparent about your faults and struggles. If you hide your pain behind a mask, you will bring that pain into the marriage and it will eventually hurt your spouse. Whether you deal with depression, addiction or some form of sexual brokenness, get as much healing as you can before marriage. Don’t go into marriage with all your baggage. Get rid of all emotional baggage before you do. Don’t carry loads from your former relationships into this new one; it’s not fair on your partner.

    Do you trust your partner's past? Don't rush into a marriage if you feel unsure about your partner's history—especially if he or she has been married before. It's OK to ask lots of questions. Get all the cards on the table. You don't want to wake up after the honeymoon and learn that your Prof. Jega has become an Elder.Orubebe. Take your time to research your partner’s history.

    Don’t commit your life to someone you don’t trust. Are you planning a life together, or just a wedding ceremony? Too many couples today are in love with the idea of marriage, but they haven't thought beyond the honeymoon. If you are obsessing over cakes, flowers and the guest list, get your priorities straight. You don't want to spend 500,000 on a wedding and then watch it disintegrate after one year.

    Let me quickly add that preparing for marriage is not necessarily a collective work, you don’t have to wait until you are in a relationship before you start preparing for marriage. Read books once again I say read books! Are you financially responsible? You don't have to have boatloads of money to be a happy couple. But if you have not planned how to pay your bills, financial stress will choke your marriage. Be wise. Many couples today have not even learned how to manage a bank account, create a budget or save money. Find a mentor if your parents didn't teach you the basics of life management. Guys, before you do, make sure you are doing something that brings in money consistently and have a plan for your family. Ladies, strive not to be a liability the famous proverb 31 woman is an entrepreneur.

    Men respect women that don’t need their money to survive. How does your family and your partner's family feel about this marriage? There's no guarantee that all parents will be happy with your choices. But if there are major conflicts in the extended family, you may need to assess whether this is a wise decision. Romeo and Juliet loved each other, but their story ended in tragedy because of their parents' attitudes. Seek pastoral support if family members are trying to stir up conflict. However, if everyone close to you is against your choice, there is probably something wrong. In the multitude of counsel there is safety.

    Do you and your partner have similar goals and dreams? You don't have to like the same movies or prefer the same kinds of foods. But when God puts two people together, they support each other's dreams. This is especially true when it comes to expectations about children. If your spouse doesn't want kids, and you do, don't assume this will just "work out." If you are a woman who wants a career and your fiancée prefers you to stay home, it's time to reevaluate. Do you and your partner pray together? This is a perfect way to tell if you are spiritually compatible with your partner.

    If you feel a deep level of spiritual intimacy when you pray with your fiancée, that's a good sign God is putting you together. But if your partner isn't interested in growing spiritually with you, take that as a hint to look elsewhere. When God brings a man and woman together, they should become one in every way.


    This post was edited by Pastor Dunamis Okunowo at May 14, 2015 8:16 PM BST
    • 1 posts
    July 16, 2015 2:25 PM BST
    This is like an eye opener to me... Guess I've got loads of work to do... Thanks